O.K. ladies I'm gonna give you a little insight in to how a man's brain works and fellas you'll appreciate me more once I break this shit all the way down. Some of you lesser men will hate me though but, hey such is life. Listen I think 1st and foremost we must agree with the premise that men and women are completely different and want completely different things. If we can't agree on that then just skip this blog post and catch the next one hopefully.
See ladies really most men want simple things like a good meal, a clean house, space when we're annoyed, someone to listen (just listen don't interrupt and start yammering about some dumb bitch at your job who pissed you off) when we want to talk (seriously when you interrupt and talk about your problems that pisses us off), and of course that good sex, good sex is number one. Now here's something you may not know when your on one of your talking tangents about how you went to Walmart and the lady at Walmart was rude to you, or how you couldn't find the vitamin water for 30 minutes. We could honestly give a fuck less we only half listen and the only reason we do that is because we actually care about you and want you happy (or not to get mad start a fight and end our chances at sex later), but some of your mundane stories we have to listen to everyday are really boring. Yet we endure smile kiss you and make you feel like we care...sometimes. For that we only want you to leave us alone when the game is on or not talk during Tosh.0, or let us play the ps3 without you complaining.
Now I understand we are complete fuck ups in most relationships, and hey I'm not a woman so I don't really understand what most of you want (really I haven't a fucking clue). Truthfully that's not why I'm writing this, I'm writing this because honestly ladies you think you know but the truth is you have no idea(seriously I have no clue what you want just tell us shit!). I have had my fair share of relationships, some good, some bad, some fun almost everyone of them ended. I'm here to show you ladies where you miss the signs, so let me give you the signs. It's a lot of guys on the D.L and if you want my opinion I think about 50% of them dudes are just confused and frustrated with dealing with their woman the others well they're just flamingly gay and too scared to admit it (nut up bitches and just be gay really most people don't care).
Here are a few signs that your man is unhappy and you should start paying attention (just listen don't ask over & over & over & over again what's wrong). Your man only smiles when he's watching T.V, he doesn't come to bed until 3 to 4 hours after you do. When you talk his only response is "mhhmmm" really?" oh that's crazy". you guys have short very angry or hard sex better described as fucking (he's mumbling cuss words at you while he does it or he chokes you a little too hard). Finally he just walks around the house like a zombie or as if he's in a trance. These are just a few but they are good ones for you to look for and hopefully you'll start listening when he talks because let's keep it real we're not very smart when it comes to relationships ladies and our simplicity can be your salvation because men always tell you exactly what they want, unless their feminine or gay. In that case I can't help you because I was raised by a man and I only know how men work. We may not just come out and say "baby I love you but when I'm watching t.v. I want you to only talk during commercials or I really care about you but the dumb ass people at your job I could give 2 shits about". But it comes out in our conversation or actions you just got to pay attention every now and again. Don't take it that we don't care about you or we're rude because when your talking in the middle of one our favorite shows, that's us saying babe I love you but I'm watching this and your interrupting it.
The thing is most of you girls say how we don't listen we don't care blah blah blaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!! blaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!! Ok my bad but that shit is annoying see the thing is we listen, we listen all the fucking time about every little nagging thing that bothers you. Shit it's enough to make a man want to go deaf. The thing is that really ladies you don't listen. Maybe you think your listening and maybe your trying but your not hearing what we say. All your hearing is what is he saying that's relevant to me so I can steer this conversation back to be about me. Really that's not your fault, it's kind of our culture. Little girls are considered princesses, and thus allowed to be spoiled and self-centered. And hey let's be honest most females have way more to talk about than men, the issues comes in when we actually do have something to say and YOU still don't listen. that's not fair.
Most men are actually very much like K-9's we just like to have our head patted our belly's rubbed a good meal and to be allowed to hump when we can, and most of all to feel appreciated. Treat us that way ladies and we'll be loyal to you for the rest of our lives. We'll follow you around to any place you want whenever you want, whatever woman's store you want to go to, any silly ass friend's dinner or celebration you want us to go, we'll even play well with all of your friend's boyfriends or husbands. The problem comes when you ladies get into princess mode and you think I'm a princess all that matters is what I want and you better be glad you have me and put me on my pedestal. Hey that's fine just learn to pet us every now and again, then there won't be so many of you ladies on twitter men bashing all the time. Then again what the fuck do I know this could only be my shit and I'm the only one that thinks this way...it's possible, and if that's the case then tell me to go fuck myself and go back to bashing all men.
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